Infinitum Extremum

JOURNAL DEAD

2008-01-22T09:29:11Z

This journal, created March 21st, 2001 (about seven years ago) is now DEAD.

I don't have the 15$ to buy a fucking rename token, so I'm unable to cleanly merge this account with my new one.

So if you still use livejournal, and wish to remain friends with moi, I ask you to please add my new account and I will add you back.

The new account is:
http://shekhinahnether.livejournal.com/

See you there.

( wil repost this in one week for those who miss this entry)

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-11-11T07:32:00

2007-11-11T12:37:34Z

" [Animals] lack a symbolic identity and the self-consciousness that goes with it. They merely act and move reflexively as they are driven by their instincts. If they pause at all, it is only a physical pause; inside they are anonymous, and even their faces have no name. They live in a world without time, pulsating, as it were, in a state of dumb being...The knowledge of death is reflective and conceptual, and animals are spared it. They live and they disappear with the same thoughtlessness: a few minutes of fear, a few seconds of anguish, and it is over. But to live a whole lifetime with the fate of death haunting one's dreams and even the most sun-filled days - that's something else."

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-11-08T19:03:00

2007-11-09T00:10:50Z

Another of my random updates after being livejournal mia.

I'll be turning 21 on Monday, can't quite believe it. Not sure how I'll be celebrating - no doubt will bar hop with Adam around Wooster or Cleveland or something.

Twin Peaks Gold Edition Box Set is finally out, with the pilot season 1, 2, and tons of extras - oh BOY would i love to have that! *cough cough hint*

Most of my academic work has been funneled away from the majority of my classes and centered onto my junior I.S. My thesis, in a nutshell, is examining Jewish Mysticism, in particular Kabbalah and the sefer ha-Zohar, Yetzirah, and Bahir texts from 6 to 14th C.E. Apart from a general overview of the Sephirot and the mystical Tree of Life, I'm looking at how gender is used within the Tree, the paradox of Shekhinah as the female consort who is both the path to redemption and destruction. Finally, I'm using the theories of Eco, Derrida, and Jung to try to show the validity of 20th century occultic Kabbalism, and the use of "Spiritual Imagination" to deconstruct and modify ancient theology so that it works for the 21st century mystic and/or intellectual. *WHEW*

I am now, as im sure you've guessed, a double major in Theatre and Religious Studies. Lately, I've been contemplating dropping my theatre major and centering on Religous Studies, mainly Judaic studies, jewish mysticism, and the like.

If anyone reading lives back home in Doylestown, I'll be back for Thanksgiving for a few days - cell number is the same.

Wine and blessings,
noah

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-08-26T05:42:00

2007-08-26T09:55:48Z

sitting in a wireless zone on the colllege campus. time: 5 42 am. state: plastered. mind: everywhere.

Just watched INLAND EMPIRE with my friend Sarah, who began to vomit from alcohol during the last 7 minutes. Me? I began to realize the truly distubring content of the film - not the surrealism, the non-linearism, the experimentation, nor the general weirdness of the film. I am an actor, and I realized that, at least for me, the film is about acting - whether 'acting' is in one's daily life or on the stage or on the camera. After everything the multiple characters of actor Laura Dern go through during the 3 hour duration of INLAND EMPIRE, we see Laura Dern standing alone in room 47/Rabbit room, which essentially is her curtain call. We do not see the audience. She does not see the audience. All she sees is the film projector light and/or the stage lights shining on her. And the applause and cheering of the audience is a completely canned, artificial audio track, that repeats over and over again. After everything she goes through, she is still trapped within a one-way entertainment network, where there is no two-way relationship between the performer and the spectator. The spectator doesn't even exist. THIS is the tragedy of INLAND EMPIRE. Her performance is not even acknowledged.

I am afraid. I am suspicious. And I am completely at the will of anyone who chooses to take advantage of me (personally, academically, and/or professionally).

I am Isaiah.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-07-14T13:17:00

2007-07-14T17:18:10Z

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-07-14T13:08:00

2007-07-14T17:09:55Z

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-06-15T06:02:00

2007-06-15T10:05:39Z

Quick early morning update

Started working at Blockbuster. No jokes, please.

Began Lost from the season 1 pilot, and am now addicted. No jokes.

Considering transferring from Wooster to Temple U in Philly and getting a place.

Unhealthily consumed by Kabbalistic texts and histories.

Dating a wonderful, beautiful girl.

Began working on a novel idea that's been floating around for a few months now. Don't ask me what it is about, because I don't know yet. I will when it's done.

a happy summer blessing to everyone except the thousands of fucking idiots who keep renting Norbit.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-23T19:09:00

2007-04-23T23:11:57Z

Tomorrow is the VNV Nation show in Cleveland!
Opening is And One, whom I've never seen, and some band called Deepest Symphony. I checked out their myspace...don't really like them, too rocky. Oh well.

And I'm planning on going to the afterparty, hosted by Elise's Playground, from New Orleans. There' some sort of fetish cabaret show, which will be fabulous.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-23T15:38:00

2007-04-23T19:40:10Z

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/23/wiccan.grave.ap/index.html

The Wiccan Pentacle has been approved to be on dead soliders' graves, joining 38 other symbols. It was one of the last one denied to families, until now.

*cheers*

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-20T22:24:00

2007-04-21T02:25:32Z

Cast and crew of Nocturne at the Kennedy Center. I'm the bald one in the back stage left from center.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-19T21:01:00

2007-04-20T01:04:06Z

Well, I performed at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC last Tuesday night in the play Nocturne. Our play advanced and was showcased at the National ACTF competition. My resume just got a face lift.

www.myspace.com/bjork

Listen to the new song Innocence. It is AMAAAAZING.

And so is Earth Intruders - you can DL it on Itunes for a buck.

I am so fucking excited for this new album. And all you directors out there - we can compete to direct the video for Innocence. Check her official website www.bjork.com for details.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-12T02:17:00

2007-04-12T06:18:19Z

R.I.P.
Kurt Vonnegut

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-10T18:01:00

2007-04-10T22:10:41Z

The new VNV Nation album Judgement was released today. They definately hit a low point with the last album Matter + Form; with Judgement they're back on the top of their game. There's a good balance between their trademark orchestral instrumentals, melodic synthpop, aggressive industrial, and dark atmospheric meditations. Although nothing will probably ever top Empires or Praise the Fallen, Judgement is worth checking out. They're on tour now with And One (!!!)- I'll be seeing them in Cleveland - the show should be fucking awesome.

And the new Bjork single Earth Invaders - OH MY FUCKING GOD. Everyone should download it off Itunes, its only one buck, guys. Bjork is a goddamn genius. If the new album Volta is as good as this one song, it should be her best album. Too bad I can't see her live (only seven goddamn US shows...mumblemumble)

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-04-10T05:01:00

2007-04-10T09:13:36Z

So i think maybe I'll return to posting a bit.

Update to friends: still attending College of Wooster in buttfuck wooster, ohio. Majoring in theatre. Our play Nocturne by Adam Rapp, which we first performed back in September, first got selected to perform at the regional ACTF (american college theatre festival) in Milwaukee. Now its been selected to perform at the KENNEDY CENTER IN WASHINGTON DC AT THE NATIONAL ACTF CONFERENCE. Four plays, one being ours, were selected out of 400 nationwide.
If you're in the DC area, try to catch it - the date of performance is April 17th, at 7:30 PM.

This semester I've started work with film. Shortly I will be posting a music video on youtube set to two songs: Faith and the Muse's Willow Song, and VNV Nation's Beloved (Grey Dawn Mix). Now, I'm working on a film that I wrote. It is a reinterpretation of the story of Adam and Eve, set after the world has ended - God is trying to recreate exactly how it was before, i.e. patriarchal dominance, yet something is now in his way...the goddess of Wisdom we hear of in Proverbs and possibly in Genesis and Jeremiah in the Hebrew Bible. Wish me luck: I've got less than a month to finish shooting and edit it together.

A bit late, but my vote for best film of 2006 is INLAND EMPIRE (yeah i know, I'm predicatble).

So we have new albums coming out from Bjork, VNV Nation, Funker Vogt, Nine Inch Nails, Siouxsie Sioux, Wumpscut, Skinny Puppy, Combichrist, and Client, just to name a few. I'm sure I'm not the only pissed off one in the US that Bjork is only doing 7 US shows for her world tour, with THREE, yes THREE in New York City alone. *shakes fist*

I'm hoping that Alanis Morisette's cover of My Humps is a sign of the Day of the Lord for the hip-hop alternate dimension that has managed to exist and take over reality as I see it over the past 10 years. Just go away. Please.

Any friends of mine in the Philly area: I'm looking for someone to room with in the city for the upcoming summer (may to august). Let me know if you're interested.

And to friends in the Cleveland area: I'm planning on going to the VNV Nation and And One show at Peabody's Downunder....you all should go! It's only seventeen bucks, for Christ's sake. It's on April 24th at 7 PM.

A quote from Bjork ref. her new album "Volta":

"I mean, the human race, we are a tribe, let's face it, and let's stop all this religious bullshit. I think everybody, or at least a lot of my friends, are just so exhausted with this whole self-importance of religious people. Just drop it. We're all fucking animals, so let's just make some universal tribal beat. We're pagan. Let's just march."

Hell yes, Bjork!

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-03-02T14:06:00

2007-03-02T19:05:11Z

* SCREAMS*

SEEING INLAND EMPIRE TONIGHT AAAAAAND TOMORROW IN CLEVELAND!

yes, i saw it in october, but i need more!

I haven't been this excited since seeing Bjork 7 years ago.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-02-24T08:23:00

2007-02-24T13:25:00Z

A FEBRUARY WINTER HAIKU

The old man builds a snowman.
Children laugh, watching
His tears melt the snow.

lovespiralsdown @ 2007-02-24T07:42:00

2007-02-24T12:42:38Z

(S)He taps on the frosted window.
The third floor window.
The computer fills the room with blue glow.
The phantom sighs and begs me with silver iris.
(S)He strokes the pane with translucent hands.
Silver iris – in pain, as the hands stroke the pane.
She sleeps sound within my sheets.
He sleeps sound against the vent heat.
I smoke a smoke, discreet.
When the sun bleeds through the violet night,
Spirits such as s(he) come to my high sight.
And I read Genesis, King (dom), and Anne sex –
I also read the clouds.
If my music is loud – well, I with liquid crimson vowed
To violate the womb of silence with my sex –
She may give birth to twin boys of noise.
He snores.
The faceless cock against the vent heat.
The whores –
First pussy sleeping in sheets, second pussy typing this excrete.

(S)he taps on the frosted window, again.
Frozen, smoking, and afraid I remain.
The phantom is without form and void.
Emptiness was destroyed,
When God created the heavens and the earth.
Yet the phantom is without form – empty.
I recall a nightmare of Humpty Dumpty
That I had daily for a year, in fear that I’d crack.

Perhaps this is that crack.
Egg shells…blood cells.
The body cell the body hell the body SPELL
“I PUT A SPELL ON YOU!”
Says the lips of the pussy and the throb of the cock
They whisper through the Sandman’s cloak.

(S)he cracks the window pane with millions of hands.
The hands of pa, ma, god…
As (s)he floats through the cracked pane,
(S)he howls with a new born babe’s pain.
The morning dew cascades in,
Fleeing the might of the almighty Sun/Son.
Oh almighty God, protect me!
The phantom kisses me and screams at me and bites me and envelopes me and tickles me and jerks me off off ON off ON off
“But she always had her way I think she sort of chose to fall I don’t doubt she knew the path of her life I can’t get angry at her I cry because she did no wrongs was a loving friend a enemy an ally I saw her a couple nights before she died and I knew she was crashing but a final crash ? she was quieter than usual melancholy as close to desperation as someone like her could be but not quite and I contributed to her self destruction feeding her k-pins and other chemical candy should I feel guilty ? no I just wish I could have said I LOVE YOU that you’re remarkable and beautiful and a jewel in the dirt of the world you understood so fucking well so this is it an END a lingering shadow a flicker of a soul on a photograph on my desk and in my fluxing memories I cherish our few laughs few kisses few days actually sober the many trips and the many highs and the few seconds of our lives bless your heart Ash (ley) rest in peace as ash”

$$$$$ !!!!! <3 <3 <3 = 0000000000000000000000
Shh…Ahh! Yes yes yes = endendendendendendend

The girl wakes up in the boy’s bed. He is curled like a dead fetus in the room corner.
“Hey?” She forgets his name. “You okay?” She rolls away from the wet spot.
He replies with a voice of phantom air.
“This room can burn eyes.
This verse can burn ears.
Nestling in the corner shadow
(S)he is growing hands of web
Stroking kissing those s(he bred
Maelstrom of pearls and thread
Stretching, spreading, flying ‘round.
This room can burn eyes.
This smoke can burn nostrils
Metallic fire crushing
D
O
W
N
My eyes die (silver) and return as phantom
Swinging on that (s)he webbed, spun soft,
Nestling in this corner shadow…
Growing hands of morning dew…”

Genesis phantom, (s)he flies away.
(S)he is as real as TV Reality.
The cock catches fire from the vent heat
A Darwin Award feat few will ever beat.
The pussy sucks the wet spot dry
And swallows the seed in greed.

The pussy wakes up at nigh noon
And feels a baby beginning to push.
But there’s no one to help her bush –
She’s the only one real in this tale.
-----
sesuJ

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-10-03T08:17:00

2006-10-03T12:17:46Z

From Winter Unto Spring

Twilight spreads like soap
Over the skin of the land
I eat for desert a pomengranate
Then wash up within the river’s drip.
I have seeds, I whisper,
Next spring will plenty of colored fruits be.

My chest holds Cupid’s arrow
That mirrors my other below.
I’m one of a million flies
On Her silver spiderweb
Stretching and hardening in the wind
Of her sandalwood breath.
Your maze has an end.
I will embrace that end.

I imagine Her serpent eyes peer out sticky wells
Wet and full with midnight water
I glide beneath the waxing moon
From my home of wood and ink
The forest edge hugs the knoll
I smell budding petals and feel
Knee high grass kiss and caress.
The stony well shines ‘neath the moon
From afar I hear the cry of coons
The waxing will turn full soon
Her inner thighs now maroon
In tune with the Dianic moon.

I lower It into Her depths by a
Daisy chain woven by the
Man I am in the Day,
Caressed and used by the man in Night
Here, by the well under the Moon.
She lets out a gasp – a great splash
Echoing upwards through the glistening
Cavernous tunnel that kisses my ears.
Smelling the fertile earth, I lean over the bricks
And hear my offered heart sink
Into Her pool below where I stand.
The moon bulges red, then wanes yellow,
The clouds contract and drip silver grey.

A tempest tears across the sky
Evoking the moans of the trees.
Before I can remove my tree,
Before I can sheath my sword,
I
Fall.
The sky is a fastly shrinking pinpoint
Of pregnant swelling moonlight –
She swallows the Man
As will the pious mantis
The Father is the Seed
She births me from me
And the moon fades into New
With the birds and blue of Dawn.
Water, water; water sustains all
Yet hydrated men will ever fall.

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-09-16T18:17:00

2006-09-16T22:17:34Z

I am the luckiest man alive. I got the LAST THREE TICKETS to the U.S. premiere of the new David Lynch film, INLAND EMPIRE, at the New York Film Festival October 9th.

If I know you and you live in New York, we should try to meet up.

Blessed be.

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-08-25T01:49:00

2006-08-25T05:49:52Z

Charge of the Goddess

Traditional by Doreen Valiente, as adapted by Starhawk:

Listen to the words of the Great Mother, Who of old was called Artemis, Astarte, Dione, Melusine, Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Diana, Arionrhod, Brigid, and by many other names:

Whenever you have need of anything, once a month, and better it be when the moon is full, you shall assemble in some secret place and adore the spirit of Me Who is Queen of all the Wise.

You shall be free from slavery, and as a sign that you be free you shall be naked in your rites.

Sing, feast, dance, make music and love, all in My Presence, for Mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and Mine also is joy on earth.

For My law is love is unto all beings. Mine is the secret that opens the door of youth, and Mine is the cup of wine of life that is the cauldron of Cerridwen, that is the holy grail of immortality.

I give the knowledge of the spirit eternal, and beyond death I give peace and freedom and reunion with those that have gone before.

Nor do I demand aught of sacrifice, for behold, I am the Mother of all things and My love is poured out upon the earth.

Hear the words of the Star Goddess, the dust of Whose feet are the hosts of Heaven, whose body encircles the universe:

I Who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters,

I call upon your soul to arise and come unto me.

For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe.

From Me all things proceed and unto Me they must return.

Let My worship be in the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.

Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.

And you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning, and I am That which is attained at the end of desire.

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-07-12T19:43:00

2006-07-12T23:44:19Z

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/derykthepirate/Fucking-Goths_Ducky.jpg

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-07-10T02:02:00

2006-07-10T06:07:33Z

The lights that move sideways and up and down
The beat takes you over and spins you round
Our hearts steady-beating, the sweat turns to cold
We're slaves to the DJ and out of control

We've got nowhere to go, we've got nothing to prove
Instead of dancing alone, I should be dancing with you
This song is turning me on, the beat is doing me
Or maybe its only you, but either way, let's begin.

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-05-29T02:00:00

2006-05-29T06:01:49Z

I am completely and utterly alone.
So fucking alone.

And when you're this drunk, it's so FUCKING funny.

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-05-10T01:24:00

2006-05-10T05:28:05Z

When I awaken my pulse is weak.
It is weak because of this.
It screams because of this.
It chokes because of this.....

The symmetry of it all hurts my heart
The spider and the fly
The bird and the worm
The sun sets and the sun will rise
Hearts and thoughts are born and die.
The symmetry of it all hurts my heart.
Symmetry is cruel and it is death.
The cruelty of balance drugs me so that
I can't walk straight; my unbalance is
Balance to to the balance,
And I cry because it is right.
it's right but feels so wrong.
Order is a cruel joke.
Black is its song.

lovespiralsdown @ 2006-05-10T01:21:00

2006-05-10T05:23:55Z

I rarely write love poems. I kind of hate them. But I wrote this. Because I had to. So deal with it as I'm dealing with it....

Stranger

I do not know you well
But I WILL know you well
I've fallen under your spell
and fortune's spirits will only tell
What's to become of this
A summer blossom's fall
To fresh cut grass so green
So much so as to amplify
Reality's sounds to dreams.
You are a future half-remembered dream...
A deja vu I know will come
A body with mine I know will cum.
An anthem choir, an incense wisp,
A lusting moon waxing so soon.
I've never heard this before
Such a lulling, ecstatic noise
It penetrates through, like nothing
Else will ever do.
You and I could be true
Intimate, blossoming, pervading scent of blue.

I MIGHT LOVE YOU
BUT I DO NOT KNOW YOU